By The Roaring Girl who's gotten closest to going viral on TikTok - Sarah.
Since turning 18 and becoming a fully-fledged human being with a fully formed personality, likes, dislikes and ambition, I have always struggled to answer the question ‘What are your hobbies?’
I was looking online the other day for some blinds for the house and I stumbled across a company that provided just that. Bored, I explored their website and found the ‘About Us’ page. Nice! Love putting faces to a company. Underneath a smiling image of each member of staff, they each had their own little paragraph detailing more information about themselves.
‘Hi, I’m Alan!* I love long walks with my wife Sandra, fishing, making Mediterranean food and the sound of the ocean. I also enjoy a bit of ice skating on natural lakes when the weather permits! Likes: Dogs, poetry and gardening. Dislikes: Ignorance, Coffee with no sweeteners and when you realise you’ve ran out of milk! Haha.’ Underneath was a picture of Alan, proud as punch with his little fishing line and a cute little chihuahua called Dave. I can’t explain it, but my eyes physically rolled into the back of my skull. It wasn’t Alan and it certainly wasn’t Dave the chihuahua, but something about it made me ever so slightly exasperated.
Maybe it was his picture-perfect hobbies, or the fact that Alan seemed to have a better social life than me, but I couldn’t help but wish that these things weren’t as shiny and exciting.
I’d love to see a picture of a guy in his pyjamas, can of Stella in one hand and remote control in the other, Homer Simpson slippers poised on his Christmas socks. Underneath is written ‘Now then, I’m Alan. I love laying on the settee in my boxers, watching the tennis and mowing the garden. I enjoy a beer in the pub with the lads and getting off my tits in Malaga once a year. Likes: Malboro Gold, the little cheese bites from Burger King and being left alone. Dislikes: People.’ That’s the sort of content I’d come to the internet for.
I love honesty and frankness in people. I’m sort of drawn to it.
When I think about traditional hobbies that I’d enjoy, I’m a bit stumped. Walking? No, hate every second of it. Reading? I have the attention span of a gnat. Playing football with the kids? I don’t have children, so that’d be a bit weird to write down. Knitting? Can’t figure it out. Drawing? Can’t draw a bath let alone a landscape. Cooking? Sort of, but I’m not the most brilliant, innovative cook.
See? What am I supposed to write on my CV?
‘I’m Sarah. I enjoy scrolling mindlessly on TikTok for hours on end before my phone battery dies and I realise I have to do something with my day. I also like peace and quiet, eating Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, doing Steps dance routines in the shower and plucking my chin. Likes: Watching videos of goats with narcolepsy, money boxes that make noises when you put coins in them and Jack Daniels. Dislikes: Pregnancy photoshoots where the guy doesn’t have a shirt on**, mice and the tv show Bridgerton.’
How much nicer would the world be if we were all just brutally honest about the things that we enjoy?
Join me, tell me your honest hobbies in the comments and let’s all watch videos of goats with narcolepsy, drink whiskey and pluck our chins together.
Sarah poses in a beautiful heart-printed suit, with an impeccably plucked chin.
*P.S. Alan may or may not exist. Any similarities to any Alan with a wife called Sandra and a chihuahua called Dave are purely coincidental and should not be taken as fact.
**P.P.S. I honestly have nothing against people having the pregnancy photoshoot of their dreams with clothes or not. I realise that I’m the irrational one here.